Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
