Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
