just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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