Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
