Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
