It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
