I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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