everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
