I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
