You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
