it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am never drinking with the goths again.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
