I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
