There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
