The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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