he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
