Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
