3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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