So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
