I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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