It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
