i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
