like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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