I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
