YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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