he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
