I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
