I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
