508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
