She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
