I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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