you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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