I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
