if i died would you start the facebook group?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
