I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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