The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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