shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
