i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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