apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
