do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
