Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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