Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
