I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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