i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
