If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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