is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
