take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
