I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
