The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
