Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
