I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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