Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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