The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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