I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
