what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
