my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
