And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
