i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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